COVID Diaries: Shelby
Written by Shelby Turner, Business Owner
It's been over a month since we closed our studios and my energy levels have roller coastered from 'be the best version of my self that's ever existed' to 'I physically can't get out of bed today, not even for snacks', and everywhere in between. Each day has become like navigating a new city that I've never seen before and Google Maps isn't working.
Initially, I forgot that the most important thing to do in situations like these is to be gentle with myself. Instead, expectations were levelled so high that all I ended up doing was setting myself up for failure.
Now, with time passing and the new pace of life beginning to sink in, so has the will to explore acceptance. My inner self tells me what I need to know: slow down. Go easy. It's okay to not be okay. For me, acceptance feels like a release of control and therefore extremely scary; but I've come to realise that it can also be wonderfully freeing.
I'm working hard on my ability to respond to each challenge rather than react to it - which is something I've always struggled with. When the anger stored inside of me bubbles up, offering me the validation that I crave, I try to take a few breaths and ask myself: Is this coming from a place of love or a place of fear? Often times it just takes a second look to realise what's really going on inside my body and diffuse the situation in my mind.
Perhaps the strongest of all my intentions lately is to try to be more connected to myself. To experience moments with my whole body (even if just for a few minutes a day) and to cultivate a sense of self worth that shines from within. No small task!
Slowly, I begin to savour the brief moments where I feel like myself again, before all of the grief and closures and uncertainty, my task becomes learning to multiply those.
Healing is not linear and growth demands discomfort.
We've been given the chance to reset. To only bring with us the things that work and that give us joy. The rest must stay behind. Some days this work looks like journalling, living room yoga, healthy eating and a mediation practice. Some days it looks like putting on daytime sweatpants and leaving the apartment to walk once around the block with a handful of mini eggs.
Both are beautiful parts of this necessary journey.
Shame is not welcome here. I'm giving myself full permission to feel it all.