What We Are Leaving Behind in 2024…
photo by Sherry Young
Gatekeeping in Running Media
I lost our car keys one Tuesday. We eventually found them, but let me start from the beginning. In the cold rain, I frantically searched for the key—our one and only—recruiting an entire grocery store of random strangers to help me. Despite everyone’s best efforts (shoutout to my mistake of putting it on the tiniest keychain imaginable), we couldn’t find it. Then, as I stood there defeated, reading Ayatul Kursi (a verse from the Qur’aan), my husband called. Another random stranger had found the keys not far from where I had parked the car, where he (my husband) was waiting with two grocery bags.
Instead of celebrating, I felt sad, and then I felt angry. I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in days, with my mind on overdrive. I’ll share below the events that led to this, but first, let me preface with something I read in my training modules for the Center for Body Trust Certification:
“The span of a social work career is, on average, 8 years… this statistic is commentary on what it can feel like to care for others while trying to change systems. It’s hard.”
Now, I’m not a social worker, but I have been doing community work for 8 years, and I’ve started to fear that my mind is approaching a similar breaking point. As for my body? I like to think I know where she stands, but even that feels tenuous at times. Microaggressions like the one I’m about to share place an incredible strain on mind, spirit, and resolve, making it harder to maintain the delicate balance between caring for others, caring for yourself, and resisting dominant systems that refuse to change.
Let’s dive in…
Over a month ago, I reached out to the editor of Canadian Running Magazine, about contributing to the publication. A recent article and my critique (on threads) of its harmful framework motivated me to initiate this conversation. For more context, my critique didn’t come out of nowhere—it followed a series of other criticisms I had shared online, driven by the magazine’s repetitive and uninspired, sometimes harmful story narratives. I reached out in the hopes that the magazine might be open to change by incorporating diverse story ideas and perspectives, also this was not an unusual request, I have written for the magazine in the past, and they were very familiar with my writing style and lens (there were never any objections).
My intention was to help offer an alternative, and inclusive take on the subjects we often read about in mainstream running media. What transpired after provided a stark example of the gatekeeping that persists in the running world. It also exposed patterns of harm deeply entrenched in white supremacist thinking and behaviours. Here are a few examples of what I encountered:
Dismissing Ideas Without Justification: the editor rejected my pitches, offering vague or insufficient reasons that felt more like an attempt to maintain the status quo than a genuine critique of my work.
Imposing Her Ideas: Rather than engaging meaningfully with my proposals, she tried to push her own ideas onto me, disregarding my voice and the insights I brought as someone with lived experiences different from hers.
Lack of Accountability: Despite my critiques being constructive and rooted in a desire for better representation and equity, the editor demonstrated no willingness to reflect on the magazine’s role in perpetuating harmful narratives.
Performative Interest: The initial impression that the magazine might be open to change felt like a façade, as the actions taken did not align with a genuine commitment to inclusivity or addressing systemic inequities.
Communication between us:
I am sharing our communication to highlight what I believe was misconduct. Such behaviour, dear community, is unfortunately, not new to me. I could share countless examples of similar experiences that I have chosen to keep private. By nature, I am not someone who calls people out publicly. Those who know me will understand how much reflection and effort it took for me to reach the decision to share my experience here.
What follows caused me significant stress and placed the heavy burden of emotional labor on my shoulders. I firmly believe, however, that transparency is in the public interest, and sharing this correspondence is a necessary step toward accountability.
Note: we had a phone call soon after on November 28th, where we talked about my criticisms, her email response to my initial request to write for the magazine, and after, I pitched two story ideas, which she listened to, saying she was very interested in them that “they have potential”, telling me to put them in an email. The screenshot below is my follow up email to this call, with her response underneath.
Note: After receiving this email, I didn’t know how to respond, there were so many things that made me pause, and so I saved the work of replying for another day when I had the time to grapple with and gather my thoughts. I did not respond immediately, however the editor did, see below:
Note: The article she shares is actually a very good piece, so I am linking it here. And to see my follow up response continue reading below:
Note: email continues below
I’m writing this to put a face to some of the many barriers community leaders encounter in social justice work, not to target this one individual unfairly. This is not only about me and my experience, or the editor of this magazine, this is an example of a much larger issue in community activism, and I am writing this not only to share my story but to create space for others who may have experienced similar challenges and patterns of harm from people in positions of power. These conversations are challenging, and addressing this kind of behaviour often comes with risks, making silence feel like the safer option. However, I believe that accountability is essential—not just for me, but for my community and many other folks that are harmed by actions like this. Remaining silent allows harmful patterns to persist, and I refuse to let fear of repercussions outweigh the need for change.
I can’t say for certain if what I’ve shared will lead to any concrete outcomes. I don’t expect the editor to step back or the magazine to make meaningfully change—it’s a privately owned publication, and reality is, we do live in a society that upholds, celebrates, and rewards whiteness, with those in close proximity to whiteness often unable or unwilling to see the harm in their actions.
Still, here I am sharing, in an effort to ensure that no one else has to face the same challenges or feel silenced in similar circumstances. I do believe that in the end, it is community that will save us, and I cannot give up on this work that I do. Already writing this felt healing and cathartic.
More than anything, my hope is that this account fosters dialogue, and learning, including encourage others in my community to continue to resist and push back against harmful dynamics, and systems of oppression. This to me is invaluable. I know I am not alone, and I welcome the support of those who share this vision.